Reflection on Mindful March

It’s been almost five months since I checked in with you, and since then a lot has happened and not happened. Mindful March happened and it was a great success on tangible and intangible levels for me. I launched a new course on journaling, I got higher engagement and traffic here on the website and blog because of daily posting. But the biggest benefit for me was breaking out of perfectionism. I want everything to be perfect, and when things don’t go as I imagine and envision I’m much more likely to dump the whole thing instead of moving ahead. 

I enjoyed being able to post different types of content, from my poetry to shareable graphics and photos of myself. Reels/tiktoks are something that I have resisted for a while, but I find that in the last 9 months that I find them really fun and engaging while I make them. The way I can draw attention to a topic and then educate and elaborate on some of the areas of my spirituality that are growing in complexity. I’m nearing the last week of Aphrodisia currently and that feels like a huge milestone for myself as I continue to grow. 

But in the background of this, I have been experiencing a huge personal loss in my life which has rocked me to my very foundations. There was a life before this death, and now their loss is felt intensely even though it happened four months ago. As I was completing Mindful March online, I was with my loved one in the ICU and learned they wouldn’t recover. To be “open” and full of “love and light” while feeling this loss was devastating. So I needed to step away. My authentic needs were to become a recluse and feel the intense pangs of sorrow. Logically and Spiritually, I knew this was a part of a larger plan but emotionally I was gutted. I was gutted at the funeral service, I was gutted when I received my first signs from her and gutted when we celebrated her first birthday without her earth-side. I could not show up online authentically because I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

Blessedly I had people in my life who were also experiencing this loss alongside me and those who weren’t and could be pillars of support for me. They helped put me back together, they gave me space to feel my very large emotions - to cry them out, scream them out, laugh them out - and to also honor her memory. To wade through this has made me realize that our culture is very grief-negative, and we’re highly encouraged to move on even if we aren’t ready. This death happened four months ago, I’m not moved on. I don’t think about her constantly, but I also haven’t fully clawed myself out from the deep sadness of loss. 

So what happens with Spiritual Sophia? What happens to the content and programs and resources that I create? I don’t know, I don’t have a crystal ball, but I see myself moving further into the priestess and sensual arts, to help ritualize everyday life and champion differences in women's experiences.